..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
