as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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