at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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