I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
