I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
