Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You're a waste of cheezeits
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
