you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize