Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
