Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
