the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize