I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
