Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
