After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
