I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
