We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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