I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We need to rekindle our bromance
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize