is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
