I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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