Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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