You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
