STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
