I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
