There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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