he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
