Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
