I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
