Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
