Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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