So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize