i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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