i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
