Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
