is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
