If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize