I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
