Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
