yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
