What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
