AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
