I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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