I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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