she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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