Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
