As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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