chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
