It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
