if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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