why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
