please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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