Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
