You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
