What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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