I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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