how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Sorry about my life...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
