girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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