you have to choose: penises or morals?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
