Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So many bounce houses so little time
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
