I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize