I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
