After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
