i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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