Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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