Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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