Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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