Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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