you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
