I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
