At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
