Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
