put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize