Porn is love you can see.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
