If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
