There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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