i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
