I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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