There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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