I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize