dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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