First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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