You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
you inspire me to be a worse person
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
