Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
