Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
