One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
