i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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