is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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