omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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