The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize