you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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