is your mom at the bar?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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