I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
