please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
