the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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