Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
