Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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