After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
