I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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