Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
