So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
