PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
