you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
